For Deliverymen (& women) Everywhere

Ok, we’re going off-topic today.  Sort of.  While we can’t get pizza delivered to our door because we live too far out in the boonies, the Cave Geek works as a pizza deliveryman in northern Alabama.

One day he wrote a post for his Wargamers blog, and I happened across it and asked if I could publish it here.  He said yes, so here we go!

Things Your Pizza Deliveryman (or WOman!) Wants You To Know

As a public service for delivery persons everywhere and pizza people in particular, here’s a few tips:

1) Make sure the house number is clearly marked.

Little numbers on the front of the mailbox do not count, especially if it’s on a road with a speed limit above 25mph. We will have people behind us and cannot go slow so we get a fraction of a second to glance the front of a mailbox at best. It’s hard enough during the day, and all but impossible at night.

You need to put big reflective numbers on both sides of the mailbox unless you live on a 1-way street.

If you have a number on the dwelling proper, here’s a few tips… Make sure it’s either around the door (on it, beside it, above it, in that order of preference) and have the porch light on at night to illuminate it. Or if it’s on the corner of the house, make sure you have a light for it at night or it’s useless.

Remember, it’s not just us delivery folks who need these, it’s the Ambulance when you have a heart attack, your kid lops off a leg with the weed eater, etc. If we can’t find it easily and quickly, neither can they.

2) Don’t tailgate a delivery vehicle. This includes following them within more then about a 1.5 second lead time. For starters, we go the speed limit (or close to it…) because speeding tickets cost us our jobs. We will not go faster just because you’re impatient. We’re also prone to need to go slow to find poorly marked houses because lots of people have missed Tip #1. And we may need to stop in short order if we find the place. With you on our bumper, that forces us to find a place to turn around farther on because you couldn’t be troubled to drive safely.

3) If you place a delivery order, make sure you will be there when we arrive. This means no ordering on the way home and trying to time it to be there 5 minutes before our estimated arrival. Remember, it’s an estimate. We may be faster. You may get stuck in traffic. It’s slows down the delivery if you’re not there to make the transaction on time, and that affects everyone in the delivery queue after you.

4) No, we do not have change for a $100 bill. Seriously people. We do not carry more then $20 maximum. If we had enough money to break a $100, we’d be getting robbed by every punk on the block. Not gonna happen. So unless you ordered something like $86 worth of stuff, we will not be breaking your $100, and you will not be getting any pizza, and we will be very put out (even though we’ll smile and be polite about it because that’s our job).

5) If you order by credit card, be there to sign it. No, your kid cannot sign the receipt. So don’t order a delivery for him over the phone from work as he cannot legally sign to finalize the payment. You can stop by the store and place the order and pay for it there if you don’t have time to take it home yourself. Or you can make the kid some sandwiches before you leave in the first place, or you can leave him some cash to use to pay for the pizza. But don’t expect us to let the tyke sign for a credit card when he can’t even drive yet.

..sigh… ok, I feel better now.